Why's it so hard...

I am sad.

I am angry.

I am both angry and sad. Mostly angry.

I need more space. I need something/someone to confine me. I want both. At the same time. I am a very confused people person at the moment. i want someone. At the same moment I wish people would just leave me alone. Just forget about me. I'd like to crawl into some place dark and I wish people would just forget about me.

It's because of a stupid thing called love. Everybody loves to love. In one form or the other. I love my pitcher plants because they'd die on me if I forgot to water them. It teaches me discipline- the same thing why I moved out from my parents' place because they don't think I dont have much of that. It's too smothering. I hate it.

So there. Love and hate in on 1 paragraph. Now we're getting somewhere. Love and hate.

Falling in love is easy. It feels good too. Those butterflies in the tummy feeling. That's nice. It's cute. But staying in love. Well, that's the hard part. I won't even go into the fights, the quarrels, the break-ups, the make-ups. My mind can't deal with it right now. I can't even do simple housechores. I hate this feeling. I hope it will go away soon.

Hope is a feeling that you have when you have a feeling that what you're feeling is temporary.

They should put that in a dictionary.

I missed my friends. But at the same time, out of no reason at all, I find myself easily bored and easily annoyed nowdays. So I rather be alone, for now. For how long, I don't know.

It's like this- 1 joke went too far- OK, I wont reply your text messages for a week. You dont answer my call- OK, FINE! I'll delete your number from my phone book, because I dont answer to calls from numbers that are not in my phone book. Too pushy- I'll pound you to the ground with a silent treatment. I say I like you- Your answer is neither yes or not- FINE, I'll go to bed with your best friend instead, but I will call you later to tell you all about it. I'm good at exagerrating things.

It's like mid life crisis a couple of decades too early. It's like living with a terminal case of cancer. You know you're in pain, but there's nothing you can do about it.

Anyway, I think what I should do now, is just to let it be. If it's still there. It's there. If it's gone. Just move on. Got to be extra careful next time. For some people, it's all fun and game. For someone with a lot of friends, losing 1 or 2 would mean nothing. I don't have much friends. I'd like to have more. But more friends means more problems. Friends are like money. They're valuable and like money, they're easy come, easy go.

Anyway, it's time for another dose of sleeping pills. Again.

This is the time when I'll go to bed asking myself over and over... Why is it so hard?


Why's it so hard to love one another
Why's it so hard to love

What do I have to do to be accepted
What do I have to say
What do I have to do to be respected
How do I have to play
What do I have to look like to feel I'm equal
Where do I have to go
What club do I have to join to prove I'm worthy
Who do I have to know

I'm telling you brothers, sisters
Why can't we learn to challenge the system
Without living in hate
Brothers, sisters
Why can't we learn to accept that we're different
Before it's too late (first time only)
Why's it so damn hard (all other times)

What do I have to learn to know what's right for me
What do I have to know
What am I going to do when I feel righteous
Where do I have to go
Who should get to say what I believe in
Who should have the right
What am I going to do with all this anger
Why do I have to fight

Bring your love, sing your love
Wear your love, share your love

Bring your love, sing your love
Wear your love, show your sister how

Brothers, sisters, what do I have to say
Brothers, sisters, how do I have to play
Brothers, sisters, who should have the right
Brothers, sisters, why do I have to fight

Why's it so hard to love one another
Love your sister, love your brother

Why's it so hard to love one another
Why's it so hard to love

Sing your love
Share your love

Love your brother now
Show your sister how
Love your brother now
Show your sister

My horoscope for today says July 30, 2007

If you can be prepared for your mind to wander, you'll be able to maintain focus.

Doing something for your own good might stick in your craw at first, but once you bite the bullet, you'll feel so much better. Take that initial step. It might take an unusual method to get there, but so be it.


My friends' horoscope says July 30, 2007

Someone will do something that affects your reputation poorly today -- get ready.

Helping out your so-called opponent is actually a sure-fire way to make you the victor in this situation. But wouldn't you know it? They have exactly the same idea! It's amazing what generosity you can both display.