Feeling High

You know you're in trouble when someone close to you says "We need to talk..." then "What if...?" and then there's the compulsory "Will you...?" and then there's "Let's just say" and of course "If it happens like this, what will happen to us?"

And of course there's "Let's say it happens, what will you do?" Pause. Then "I want to know" and sure "I want to know NOW"

Adei!

Headache.

Just some excerpt from a conversation I had with someone. It happened while I was driving somewhere dark and the road was like hilly with dangerous curves. Well it happened over supper and continued until I reached home. I was chewing my roti boom supper drench in oily butter-chicken. Feels like chewing at your own kulit kaki or getah tayar basikal when the person talking put out a serious face and asked me those question.

Imagine keeping a good composure, trying to look cool and answering those question coming out from someone you like. They came out like bullets from a machine gun. You can dodge all you want but...

Speaking of dodging things... My friends' friends and my own friends are getting suspicious. I said that if they asked too many questions, we'll just put them in a sack with some rocks and throw them into the sea.

More questions came out... Bad move.

Anyway, the "What if?" question is scary. It makes you think... "Yeah, what if..."

OK. Most of the time I'll forget about things as soon as I type them down. But this stupid "What if?" still stuck to my mind. I drove around all night just now, having no where to go and not feeling like going anywhere. Just drove aimlessly. Yeah "What if?"

Anyway, we meet people, we cherish them when they're with us, remember them when they're not.

Something you can forget, once the thing slips into the past, you can't really change things. You can say you're sorry, you're forgiven but for what it worth, you did that and you'll live the rest of your life feeling sorry, or grateful thinking you did what you did.

It could be better, it could be much worst.

As for how am I feeling right now... While I was driving, I thought to myself, I was depressed because of money. I was broke a few weeks back, now I got money, I am still depressed.

I was depressed, pining for someone and something to happen. Now it happened, it's like I'm hoping for it never to end. Hoping for something more. Hoping for something that I can't place my finger on.

It's like chasing to have a handshkae with your own shadow. I think the person is like my own shadow.

I think I've got too much coffee. Double Shot Chocolate Chip Affugatto (I hentam eja je, sorry beb kalo silap) Venti Size is getting to my head.

And then there's another conversation that I had with someone. This person wants to know about what I do, you know... Ok la. I'm open-minded but to a certain degree. I have my lines drawn somewhere between being promiscuous (in my mind only ler, mind you!) and being "friendly" ("friendly" as in you ask, I'll never say no, not even maybe) with strangers (in some peoples' mind, I am).

So this person wants to know about my sex life. Ciss... Apa kebenda punya soklan daa... Malu siot!

If the questions above were like machine gun bullets, this one's a cannon ball aimed directly to the head. Garu kepala nak menjawabnya.

Last-last I bertukar jadi CT No-Hal-iza... I said... "Biarlah Rahsia".

Maybe I should just bite the bullet and settle down. Maybe I should just pack my bag and move on to somewhere where people don't know me and forget about this place. Maybe I should've done that sooner.

Damn stupid horoscope webbie cannot open. So no short horoscope for tonight. Am off to bed. Here's another version instead of the usual version.

Sorry Cancer, this week is going to be a bit lame.

At the beginning of the week your friends will be asking you to go out, but you won't.

Toward the middle of the week you will feel like going out, but then you will cancel at the last minute.

Toward the weekend you will want to go do something finally, but nobody will want to do it with you.

I would suggest you get a good novel to read. It will comfort you in your isolation.

Note to self: That's so typical.

My friends' horoscope:
Beware, this is the week of foist!

Definition of Foist: To force onto another; "He foisted his hands on me".

Stop it.

Really. You think you can just go around and foist your sick demands on people?

I bet you think that people even enjoy all this foisting. Have someone read you something you don't like while being handcuffed.

He does enjoy your foisting.

He is the only one though, and you better realize it soon, or you are likely to end up living in a place no one ever heard of.

Aside from foisting, you will be quite the conversationalist this weekend.

Talk it up.