I Said This Before... I Know....

Today was all blur...

Like an addict deprived of his favorite drugs... Best way to describe my state of mind.

Had to force myself to dinner. Had dinner with my baby. Turned out not as expected. should've been better, but then again, it could've turned out worst. So for that, I am thankful.

For all the things that i've stopped doing because of my baby, all the things I'd do, this is all I got back in return. My baby didn't answer my calls, replied my text message with 3 words at most. it's OK. Been there, done that, now it's my turn.

Am going to start something new tomorrow.

Maybe I should just go on and live by something crazy that popped out on my mind last year... "My car, my dick, my life, my business"... Yeah, I think I'll do that.

I wondered how it would feel like to have some one like my baby beside me. Now I know. It turned out not as i imagined.

The responsible side of me says "Stay", the free side says "It's not worth the pain"...

My heart says "Anything in the name of love" while the brain says "Fuck, this, you don't need all this".

The world is just like TV playing in the background. I'm there, somewhere, but I'm not really there.

So here I am, typing away just trying to forget. It's just me, trying to sort out my head.

Did I ever mentioned that I bought an arowana? Yeap... I bought it last week me thinks. It fed on crickets last week. Today I'm out of crickets, so I practised my rubber-band pulling and aiming skills. Caught a house-lizard. It consumed the dazed lizzie with relish.

I bought 3 clown knifefish in December... 1 died. Bullied by the other two.

I got everything now. I yearn for more. I can get more if I wanted. Yet here I am. Anything in the name of love. Maybe somewhere in the near future, me and my baby can be truly happy. Maybe. I think I'll hold on this time. No use running away and starting over again.

Such a life...