The Concept of Marriage (That I Cant Grasp)

So here I am... at 3.20 in the wee hours... Not sleeping tho I am working later at noon... Thinking about stuff. What kind of stuff? Well marriage for one. Yeap.. Marriage... I am thinking about... Mmmm... Marriage... Scary stuff...

Reality check here... My mom's been nagging me to say yes to... Mmmm... Marriage... Of all the females... To my best friends' younger sister... I've known her and her family very well. I know his brother very very well. His family is like my own. So imagine that. Maybe for some people, it's OK, it'll make the whole M thing easier. No hassle. But imagine knowing a girl and seeing her since she was small. You know... Little girl... When she was small... eeee...

Anyway putting her and her family aside. I never understand the concept of marriage. First and foremost... It's about sharing. Sharing everything. The money, time, space, the bed, bathroom, livingroom, car, every-fooking-thing. I can never do that. I need my space. No, I jealously guard my space. Entry passes given for a limited time only.

Some people say that when one is truly in love, one will learn to share.

I am in love at the moment. The most intense love I've ever experienced in my whole adult life...

The main reason it still last past 7 working days is that we both needed our own space.

Being in love at the moment is like pleasure-pain-pleasure-pain thing. It's good when it's good. It sucks when things go bad. In between of course there's the suspicion of both sides, wondering where's the other person and doing what, with whom? Faithful or unfaithful. Should I go and check? If I go check then it's confirmed I kena kencing? So better not check. If you seek, you find, then you tension... Kan? Play safe. Better dont check.

Then of course there's the putting up with one anothers' flaws. People say that you like people because of your similarities, but you love people because of your difference, that makes you both complement one another. Friction. I think it was I who said that. People in love are always inclined to say and do stupid things.

Back to the M-matter... I am in love. I am so in love. With someone. But am not ready to do it. Hmmm... I cant imagine myself as a husband/a father.

Let's think about it.

Husband+Wife=Kids. Lemme rephrase that... Fertile Husband+Fertile Wife+doing the do=Kid(s). I never like kids. Lemme rephrase that too. I hate kids. They're loud, they smells and they cries, loud! I used to say I can't mate in captivity. Now I'd rather not mate at all. But who will take care of poor old me when I'm old? Imagine being old and broke... Who will take care of the poor old me? Maybe it's time to register for organ donation. But I'll keep my lungs when I'm dead. My heart too. They can have everything else. I wonder if they'll accept a living donor? Just gas me unconcious and hack me to pieces and bury the remain. Easier typed than done.

I dont like other peoples' kids. I cant imagine myself liking my own.

Ok... Maybe it's too early to think about children. Back a few steps for a bit. Marriage. It's such a life-long commitment. Most of my friends are married, with kids. Most of them are not happy. Some are happy. Outside. Enough said.

Ok. I tortured myself enough thinking about this subject. I'm going to bed.

Kesimpulannya: Kesimpulannya masih bersimpul.