Day 5 in Hell, Been Here, Done This Before

I've been busy or am I? Just keeping myself busy nowdays.

5 days. 5 fookin days.

I think this is how the story ends... A few weeks short of hitting the one year mark, my baby and I went our own ways.

I'm now just like myself last year. In pain. But this is the pain is more intense not because I never experienced break-ups before. It's more intense because it's happening now. And last year I was happier than this.

Life's a vicious cycle. First life's a bitch and then when you survived, people tend to call you one.



And this too shall pass.

No matter how attractive we are. How rich we are. How good in bed we are, we all lose our charms in the end.

Nobody knows

Love is a drug.

That's what people say. So like drugs, one should've kept away from it.

But there are times when curiousity becomes unbearable.

Just just lose your head and wonder how would it feels like to have someone as your lover... Is he/she any good in bed? Is he/she confirm to your own idea of the perfect lover?

So you took the next step and go into it. The power of the mind. You just imagine something and just imagine it often enough, it might just come true.

It is when you're at the end of it that you really start to think about the beginning.

It's sad.

It's painful.

But this isn't about me.

Not about me at all as I am living someone elses' life. The real me is tucked away somewhere safe. I am hiding. They'll never find me. Never.

It was painful, now that it all ended, the pain is still here.

So let's skip about the boring prelude and go straight to the point.

I know you're reading this...

I saw you in the morning while I was getting dressed earlier today. You were smiling when I first saw you back then but now you look so unhappy.

It felt bad causing you this pain. But if it's painful for you you can only imagine how much pain I've endured. But it's OK. I was willing to be your doormat at that time.

It's strange how a wonderful story that started so good could end so bad like this.

But love is out of the question. It's not love when we're like sharing a knife that we cannot see and taking turns stabbing one another until one of of bleed to death.

Maybe this separation will do us some good. Maybe we both could finally be happy at the same time now even though we're not together anymore.

I hope one day when all the pain is over, maybe we could be friends. Maybe.

So I guess it's too late to say what I really wanted to say to you, but I know that you'll know what I wanted to say because I've said it so many times. Those words that you've never said to me.

I'll say it once more and this time I mean it.

Now you know.

Goodbye love.

Echo...

... The mind is like a dark lab filled with many many fragile glass containers filled to the brim with dangerous liquid substance, balanced on their own weight on a plank, hidden in someones' basement...

Madness... Madness All Around

Argh... I am so tensed... Honey... Bla bla bla...

Yeah... I am so tensed... So much pent-up supressed dsires longing to be fulfilled... Sebagai contoh... Uh... Better censor it down to keep it as safe for work as possible... Anyway... today passed not as I expected (I expected it to end with a disaster but nothing happened... it's not as bad as I imagined...).

So next time you decides to panic... Panic in minimal amount only... Never ever panic more than the recommended the daily panic dose...

Like on the radio... I never entertain song requests. Never... Tho the stations' tagline is yes! it's for you... It's more like yes... it's for the dj.... punya pasal abah aku ler nak cakap apa pun... :P

Sikalang ni... dalam busy2 pakcik pun... pakcik tetap ada masa untuk belajo photoshop...

Anyway... by popular request.... Act'ly it's just Ms. Sufina who requested this... I'm uploading some of her pix here... Kesian dia... dia skang orang kurang upaya aka OKU... (pasang lagu tema piena sambil upload gambo... Lagu warga tua...) wakakaka...

Gambo original... Tak lawa langsung...

Epek (effect) ni namanya "Bloom"...

Bak kata omputih... "the bunga is blooming" maksudnya "flower tu tengah kembang"... Sikalang gambo Cik Piena dah lawa... Kalo potong semua background... boh background itam.... Leh jadik poster one night only in Arena of Stars... Wow... She's glowing!

Cantik giler hasil kerja tangan pakcik yang berbakat ni... Bila tgk gambo ni... Instead of lagu "warga tua" I terbayang lagu "makhluk tuhan paling sexy"... Tapi itu tetap lagu tema pakcik... orang lain jangan gatai ngaku lagu itu lagu tema... Hehehe...

Hidup inikan macam roda? Ok la... Kadang2 atas... kadang2 bawah... Kadang2 kita melawakan.... dan pastinya... kadang2 kita memperdajalkan... wakaka.... Ini plaks epek yang dipanggil "liquify" yang selalu digunapakai oleh tmnet lam printed add depa...

Gambo 2 budak cacat yang belum diper"epek"kan.

Wakakakakaka... Gambo 2 budak cacat yang hodoh lagi spastik posing ala2 terliur tengok cicak lepak kat siling... Kah kah kah... Ok... Tabley buat manyak2 kang kilat sambaq... dah la aku dok kat tingkat 6 ni...

Happy or Unhappy... Is It That Important

I've been busy. With so many things to say but no time to write... Just a photo that I snapped. It's a beautiful place where I am now. The sky is light, the ground is dark. That is where I am. Somewhere dark.

Things that strikes my fancy... Among many other things, Wacom Tablet...

I cant really remember what started this obsession, but i think it has got something to do with the youtube video... Yes... Youtube is evil! NEway, I've started this project a few days back... Am trying to paint using photoshop... It's a work of art in progress (heh.. aren't they all?)

Initial Sketch... A

B

C

D

F

G

H

I... Hehehe... Just kidding... This is the original pix la... Kalo I can paint until like this... Kaya lo I... I'll paint nudie pix of people... Realistic fake nudie pix of beautiful people... And I'll sell them for a gadzillion of ringgit.. I'd be rich then I'll donate some of my money... Maybe 5 hinggit to this, another 5 hinggit to that... Then I'd buy myself a piece of land and build a house surrounded by lake. Hmmm...

I just put this together... I know it's a galaxy away from a realistic rendition of the pix... I ngantuk... Nanti I sambung mewacom-tabletkan file psd ini... :P

BRB... Not ASAP but Will BRB

M so vry d bsy nwdys. NEway, me b8ng a prt-tm wrkr mns X wrk X $. BRB ltr.

Get Up Get Out Do Something... How Will You Make It If You Never Even Try...

A few days back... I got this urge... This urge to do something. To create something. To do something worthwhile. You know...

When your desires are fulfilled, when you have someone who you know will think of you when you're not together with him... Or her... You start doing things to yourself (not THAT thing!!!)

Anyway, I took up my unfinished project. I've been putting this off since years back.

I called up Mr. Lee and asked him to help to move the big ol' aquarium. Dug up some old sand and rocks that I have lying around the house and put together a masterpiece!

OK... After spending some money (Black/Blue plastic background RM21, Lights and Reflector RM50, Chicken Wire- RM10- Not used in this project- DUH!) Here's the result...

Water started to clear after a few days. Put in the remaining 2 of 4 skunk loach (rm1.50 a piece) inside, 1 Golden Chinese Algae Eater (RM2.50) just to start off the biological-chemical thingy inside the system. Kayu-kayan wa usung dari SP tu beb... Umah lama (sob sob sob... sedey aaaa tingat umah lama aku, tempat wa membesar...)

Another view of the same. Still Not enough plants... So I went to Kampung Padang Wahid and collected some more. Got home with a bunch of nice plants... Cendol Plant, 2 kinds of the other Utrics, Banana Plant and some more sand.

Note to self: Next time becareful, no, be very careful when snapping pix infront of reflective surfaces, especially when you're working in the nude... Muahaha...


Water got a wee bit (no, that's an understatement) cloudy... It'll turn back to normal (hopefully) soon... Bangga siot bila buat kerja hasil leh tengok... Am planning to add some more plants, mebbe some water lily. Wanna keep small2 ikan in here... 2-3" maximum length. Ala, ikan kaler-maler tu le.


Wajah penuh kepuasan after gazing cam orang gila depan akuarium... Berbinau my mata as the lampu so terang one... Lepas ni nak tengok ikan kena pakai spek mata lalat...



BTW- No, I didn't cut my hair... It's all there, I ikat je kat belakang...



This year I wanna keep my hair kasi panjang balik... Nak kembalikan imej gigolo cam dolu2.



Ya ya... Anyway, the moral of the story, if you find yourself bored at anytime, that means you're not doing enough in your life... Waaaa....



Weight loss program hit a plateau (betul ke idak ejaan nye ni ye?) Stuck at XX kilos. Target to hit 68kgs by July, kalo tak menjadik... Haku akan jadik kan jugak! Lepas ni nak beli kasut lari (running shoes la ngok!) nak start jogging. Nak kena turun lagi XX kilos... Adei...

Ni gambo akuarium pakcik yang airnya dah nak clear... at least 2 hari baru clear.... x sabo nak membeli ikang nak boh lam ni....

Ada Apa Dengan Ikon Bahagian Kedua

Madonna the Conty Dominatrix.

The long shiny thingy is not something to "poke" someones' orifice with.

It's a water flask.

The Spactic Four

Lisham Dahmer strangling a willing victim 1.

Lisham Dahmer learns that Nani enjoys Bondage.

Nani dah insaf..

Tebal siot make-up ala2 bak kata Rosyam Nor... "tepung gomak"

Pleasure Cruise dalam Van RTM

"Adibah Nor risau tak dapat bayaran show"

I know it's wrong to do this... But WTH... Wakakaka... Huargh... Huargh...

(Gelak sampai tergolek)

Life's like a TV show half-way through the anteanna's broken...

Being alone sucks.

Being together with someone one loves is wonderful. Sometime, that sucks too.

Unhappy alone.

Unhappy together.

It's like when one yearns about commitment and freedom at the same time. Nothing comprimised. That's confusing. The moon is indeed very confusing. Like the ebb and flow of the tide. Predictable. Constantly changing.

Life is like a thread. A tangled one.

You start at one end towards the other end. That's our very own personal journey. No one can live on one behalf.

Sometimes you can just pack your bag and create some make belief character for yourself.

How many times can one do that before one loses track of what's real and what's not?

Maybe the first human ancestor (scientifically speaking) developed language not to communicate, but to complain about stuff.

I am not complaining. This is not about me.

This is about what happens when you sit down at night alone after a hard day at work and you compare yourself with who you were 5 years ago... 10 years ago... to who you are now and who you could have been.

Then you set your goals for the next 5 years or even 10 years from now.

Then you realise, having everything meticulously planned out leaves out the unexpected fun in living.

It's hard to speak of something without really saying what it is...

I'm almost there.

jes for laughs

Oooo... Who's that sexy lil' thing in black???

Wow! Will Smith (in drag) and in Langkawi... Kwang kwang kwang...

No lah... It's just Madonna J. hahahaha... Mati la kena santau kat opis nanti...

Ikon Shoot and Ronda-Ronda Satu Pulau Day...

Waaa... Pakcik kena pilih untuk mewakili opis pakcik untuk ditampilkan, dishowcasekan dan difofularkan dalam IKON (siot je...) Long story short.. Gambo2...

Pakcik setelah di"comelkan" oleh Boss pakcik...

Pakcik ngan Ms. Nurul Razihan Radzi (pose ala2 yantie... Siapa yantie? yantie dari indo dong~ Hanya pakcik je yang kenal yantie tu)...

Pakcik ngan Uncle Haji Said

(If the technicians buat band... it'll be named... Meet Uncle Said... La la la la.. hari2 kerja...)

Pakcik dengan (regardless of her size... Kejam siot statement!) Baby (seriously... Her name is Baby)

Pakcik ngan Mr. Sharol "Jolie" (Clue- See the lips)

Pakcik ngan Madonna J. (ala2 Rosario Dawson pun ada... ala2 ahli paperdolls pun ada sket...)

Pakcik (pose cak-cak ngan niat jahat) ngan Ms. Nani "Molly"

Pakcik kat Kutub Utara (posing ala2 Natalie Imbruglia aka. pose nak terkucil)

Pakcik atas cable car. Kononnya model SKII...

Durian Night Fever...

Hehehe... Ok... Nuff bout dat.... It's been a while since I did this...

Horoscope time...

"You should be feeling especially passionate today, dear Cancer, so don't be surprised if you can't get sex and romance off your mind. "

"If you're currently involved, schedule an intimate evening alone with your lover. "

"If you aren't involved, don't be surprised if you pull someone new and exciting under your spell! Your passions also could spill over into other departments of your life as well, including creative and intellectual interests. "

"Make the most of it all! "



Errrr... Right... Let's compare notes with my other half punya plaks....

"Business and money matters may seem to be going too well to be true, dear Gemini. "

"Success and good fortune in these departments are definitely indicated for you today! "

"If you've been trying for a break in a creative or artistic field, it may finally manifest. "

"The present looks profitable and the future bright. "

"In the evening: Celebrate by scheduling a romantic encounter with a lover. "

"You should find it especially gratifying at this time! "


Horoscope is soooo scary especially when you're in habit of reading back0dated ones... Ngeh ngeh ngeh...

Oo... It's time...

Just when everything's in order and good, things fall apart.

Just when life should be resolving, I'm back at the beginning, And it comes back to the heart ...I'm not really sad ... I'm not running, I'm looking ... Did I tell you I've saved all your letters and cards ...

There's just nothing left for me to do here but unhook the stars ...

Do you remember when I told you all that I could and it seemed like too much ...

Well I was living your life hoping you'd never fall ... If I held on tight enough ...

And letting go now is like a passport to anywhere ...

With time on my hands I can make a new start ...

I just didn't want to stay here and unhook the stars

I just didn't want to stay here and unhook the stars

Don't worry for me it's just I'm inspired

Waiting in the wings made me drunk with possibility

It rivals my memories ...

Not Exactly a Model Material...

That night. alone at Aseania.

I took out my camera and snapped away.

Not bad for a 30-year old guy, rite?

Riiiiiiitttttttteeeee....

Malaysia Water Festival 2008 Has Ended... Phew!

Pix of Crazy People.

Everybody's gone gaga because of too much sun...

Brain over-heated...

Having your favorite shades imprinted on your face is no fun...

I OD-ed on Vitamin D and Sunscreen-Deficiency Syndrom.

Made a Few "New Friends" Ngeee...

My Baby is on silent Mode...

Slept Alone at Aseania... Hot Shower... A/C on lowest setting... Bliss!

Mr. Fairuz (Suara Pecah!), Ms. Sufina (nak "RELAI" katanya), Ms/Mdm/Ms Madonna "Jackson" John (kena gi X-RAY pinggang), Myself (Itam, suara pecah, akit lutut, sun-burned etc) all affected.